Buying Guides

Funny Coffee Shirts

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Ever get tired of telling people about how much you love coffee? Well, now you don’t have to! These funny coffee shirts will do all the talking for you, so you can sip in peace. 

Funny Coffee Shirts

Note: For your convenience, we’ve included descriptions of color options and size ranges where possible. This information reflects availability at the time of writing and may vary. 

For Dark Humor and Black Coffee People

Are coffee-fueled sarcasm and light aggression your ways of showing affection? Then these are the perfect shirts for you. 

Black Like My Soul

[Black shirt with an image of a skeleton drinking coffee in the rain overlapping a rectangular border  above text reading “Black Like My Soul”] 

Dead inside? Coffee helps. This cheeky skeleton is the perfect way to express both your inner self and your passion for unadulterated coffee. 

This lightweight shirt is available in black, navy, dark heather, heather blue, and purple in both Men and Women’s sizes SM-3XL. Solid colors are 100% Cotton; Heather Grey is 90% Cotton and 10% Polyester and all other heathers are 50% Cotton and 50% Polyester. Machine wash cold with like colors, dry low heat. 

Caffeine & Quarantine

[Black shirt has white text that reads “Caffeine & Quarantine”]

Using humor and coffee to cope with the new realities of a global pandemic? Who isn’t? This fun twist on the “& chill” trend is a lovely way to make light of our newfound familiarity with isolation

This shirt available in black, asphalt, slate, cranberry, brown, dark heather, and pink in Men and Women’s sizes SM-3XL and Youth sizes Kids 2-12. Solid colors are 100% Cotton and the dark heather is 90% Cotton and 10% Polyester. Machine wash cold with like colors, dry low heat. 

More Coffee, Less Homicide

[Heathered Black shirt with distressed off-white text art “Coffee” and mug+steam graphic in line followed by “makes me less murdery” in typewriter font.]

Are we really responsible for crimes committed in the pre-coffee haze? Certainly one isn’t in their right mind. Just to be safe, make sure people know to give you a wide breadth before you down that first cup.

This cotton shirt is lightweight and buttery soft. Plus, it’s preshrunk and machine washable (wash/iron inside out in cold water/low heat, hang dry). Crazy Dog both designs and prints their tees in the USA.

This shirt is available in Women’s slim fit sizes SM-3XL in black, pink, purple, and light blue (all heather) and Men’s sizes SM-5XL in black, green, light blue, and grey (all heather; separate listing).

I Don’t Give “Eeffoc”

[Black shirt reads “eeffoc verb (itl)// ee·ffoc | /ee-faak/ // Eeffoc is coffee spelled backwards.// “I don’t give eeffoc until I’ve had my coffee.”]

Just can’t be bothered before you have your morning cup of Joe? This is the perfect shirt to let everyone know what you are (and are not) about. 

This soft, preshrunk shirt is available in a Men’s fit sizes SM-5XL. It’s machine washable (wash/iron inside out in cold water/low heat, hang dry). Plus, it’s printed right here in the USA. 

Caw! Caw! Cawfee!

[Grey shirt with black crow and coffee cup graphics and the text “CAWFEE” underneath.]

We all know the two go-to companions for the dark-side revelers: coffee and crows. Give both of your familiars a shout out with this quirky tee. 

This soft, preshrunk cotton shirt is available in a Women’s slim fit sizes SM-3XL and Men’s sizes SM-5XL (separate listing). It is machine washable (wash/iron inside out in cold water/low heat, hang dry) and printed in the USA.

For the Cutesy Coffee Cuddlers

Got a goofy giggler on your hands? These cute coffee shirts are sure to put a smile on everyone’s faces.

Sunshine and Coffee

On Sale
[Heathered green cami vest features yellow text reading “Sunshine and Coffee” with a rising sun line graphic at the top.]

Is it sarcasm or shockingly pure optimism? Maybe it’s just the caffeine. Regardless, this is the perfect tank for the heavily caffeinated ray of sunshine in your life. 

This soft, elastic cotton blend shirt is available in Women’s sizes SM-XL in green, purple, red, pink, grey, and yellow (all heather). KIDDAD recommends adding a pinch of salt to the first wash (cold water) to enhance the color of the garment. Plus, they offer free returns for the first 30 days!

Espresso Yourself

[Bright yellow shirt has white coffee mug graphic with black text inside that reads “espresso yourself”]

A little caffeine kick can help you release your true self. Spread the word! This bright shirt is sure to catch you a few smiles. 

This preshrunk, 100% cotton* shirt is printed and designed by Underground Printing in Michigan, USA. It’s available in Unisex sizes SM-3XL in daisy yellow and heather red. Machine wash inside out.

* The heather red is 50% cotton and 50% polyester

No Coffee, No Workee

[Black shirt reads “No Coffee// No Workee” in white text. A graphic of a coffee cup with a smile and stick-figure legs is situated between the two lines of text.]

It’s no surprise that coffee machines are an office building staple. Whether you’re getting stir-crazy in your home office or counting down the minutes in a cubicle, coffee is the way to get through the day.

This 100% cotton shirt is available in black, navy, cranberry, brown, and pink in Men and Women’s sizes SM-3XL and Youth sizes Kids 2-12. Machine wash cold with like colors, dry low heat.

Coffee Lover

On Sale
[This is a pajama set. The shirt is white with a sketch-art mug featuring the words “Coffee is my lover. The “o” in “lover” is a heart and there are pink hearts suggesting steam above the mug. The drawstring shorts are pink with similar mug and heart motifs.]

Who said you can only express your coffee obsession while you’re awake. With this cheeky PJ, you can let people know who (or what) holds the top spot in your heart even when you’re asleep. 

This short-sleeve shirt and drawstring short set is 95% Polyester and 5% Spandex. It’s available in Women’s XS- 3XL.

A Before and After

[Black shirt features two graphics, each with text underneath. The left graphic shows a sleeping sloth on the ground above the words “Before Coffee.” The right graphic shows a sleeping sloth in a white coffee mug above the words “After Coffee.”]

Not exactly a morning person? If you are a groggy coffee before talkie kind of person, this adorable little sloth graphic tee is perfect for you. 

This shirt is lightweight and machine washable (cold with like colors, dry low heat). It’s available in navy, asphalt, royal blue, white, baby blue, dark heather, heather blue, pink and purple in Men and Women’s sizes SM-3XL. 

For the Media-Loving Coffee Hipsters

Obscure and overused references alike, this is for the hipsters who can revel in the amusing irony of their place in society. If you have a sense of humor, you may proceed. 

Coffee is for Closers

[Heather red shirt has white text reading “Coffee is for Closers.” The words “is for” are inside of a line drawing of a coffee cup, also white. The steam detail above the cup graphic overlaps the word coffee.]

What hipster doesn’t love a semi-obscure reference to a nearly obsolete 90’s movie? Whether you get the Glengarry Glen Ross reference or just like the vibe, this is the perfect shirt to let everyone know exactly what you’re about: coffee and “culture.”

This shirt is printed and designed in the USA. It’s preshrunk 100% cotton and is machine washable. You can purchase it in heather red, heather military green, and dark heather in Unisex sizes SM-3XL. 

Hit Me with Your Best Pot

No products found.

[Grey heather shirt reads “hit me with your best pot” in black text underneath a simple black graphic of a coffee pot.]

Unlike the previous reference, this one is unlikely to go over the heads of your unwitting audience. The lasting influence of both Pat Benetar’s hit and your favorite caffeinated beverage make this an excellent meeting of worlds. 

This shirt is available in Men’s sizes SM-5XL and Women’s slim fit sizes SM-3XL (listed separately). Preshrunk for your convenience, the shirt is super soft and machine washable (wash/iron inside out in cold water/low heat, hang dry).

A Nightmare Before Coffee

No products found.

[Black shirt features graphic similar to a red Starbucks logo. Jack Skeleton has replaced the mermaid and the text reads “I am A Nightmare Before Coffee.”]

If your pre-coffee self looks (and behaves) a little Tim Burton-esque, this is the perfect shirt for you. Let Jack do the talking until you get some caffeine to tame your Oogie Boogie morning personality.

This lightweight, 100% cotton shirt is available in navy, asphalt, cranberry, and brown in Men and Women’s sizes SM-3XL. Machine wash cold with like colors, dry low heat. 

Espresso Patronum

[Black shirt reads “Espresso Patronum” in white Lumos font. There is a colored graphic of a travel mug with a Gryffindor scarf, round glasses, a wand, and lightning bolt.] 

What self-respecting coffee lover wouldn’t magically conjure espresso shots if they could? But until you can summon your caffeine fix with a wave of a wand, espresso your dreams with this tee. 

Available in Men and Women’s sizes SM-3XL, you can get this shirt in black, royal blue, kelly green, and purple. All color options are 100% cotton and are machine wash cold with like colors, dry low heat. 

I Run on Coffee and Horror Movies

[Slate shirt reads “I Run on Coffee and Horror Movies” in distressed black thriller font.]

Perhaps the secret to a scream queen‘s success in outrunning the masked bad guys lies in her coffee consumption. Either way, I’m still going to keep up my morning coffee routine…just to be safe. 

This clever cotton shirt is available in Men and Women’s sizes SM-3XL in slate, white, baby blue, silver, and heather grey. Machine wash cold with like colors, dry low heat. 

For Those Who Can’t Quit Caffeine

This section is pretty self-explanatory. Know someone who drinks so much coffee that it’s become a personality trait (perhaps their only surviving personality trait)? This section is for you. 

A Bold Admission

[Black shirt features graphic of the chemical compound for Caffeine above the word “ADDICTED” in white text.]

Is coffee the only thing getting you through organic chemistry? Or science class in general? Let everyone know what’s keeping you from snoozing with this open confession to your newfound dependence on caffeine. 

Available in Men’s sizes SM-5XL, this shirt is 100% preshrunk cotton. Additionally, it is designed and printed in the USA on soft, lightweight, ringspun cotton. It’s machine washable (wash/iron inside out in cold water/low heat, hang dry).

I Own You

[Black shirt reads “I own you.” followed by a coffee cup graphic with tiny-pupilled eyes and a small smile.]

It certainly isn’t just you who can’t seem to put down the coffee mug, right? This shirt can be a calling card to others who know exactly who (or what) they answer to. 

You can get this shirt in several colors including black, navy, asphalt, slate, silver, brown, olive, dark heather, and heather blue. It’s available in Women and Men’s sizes SM-3XL. Machine wash cold with like colors, dry low heat.

8 Cups a Day 

[Black shirt features white text that reads “I drink a lot of water.” followed by progressively smaller italicized text reading “Filtered water. Filtered through coffee grinds. Coffee. I drink a lot of coffee.”]

As long as you are still getting 8 cups a day, who’s to say you can’t completely swap water for coffee? There have to be some health benefits… right?

This shirt is available in four color options (black, asphalt, cranberry, brown, and olive) and a wide range of Women and Men’s sizes (SM-3XL). All solid color options are 100% cotton and are machine washable (cold with like colors, dry low heat). 

I Scream for Iced Coffee

[Black shirt reads “A yawn is just a silent scream for coffee” in distressed white serif and sans serif fonts.]

The newest research on the mysterious science of yawning has recently released that a yawn is essentially your body’s low fuel light. Coffee lovers rejoice! You’ll never forget to fill up again. 

Get this shirt in your favorite color; it’s available in black, navy, asphalt, slate, royal blue, olive, dark heather, heather blue, and purple. Also, the shirt can be ordered in either Men or Women’s sizes SM-3XL. Machine wash cold with like colors, dry low heat.

For the A-Dorkable Caffeine Fanatic

Anyone who has been anywhere near a college campus knows that caffeine is what makes the world go round. From classes to careers these dorky shirts are a fun reminder of what keeps us all going at that daily grind. 

The Energy Formula

[Black shirt reads “E=MC^2// Energy= Milk*Coffee” in chalk texture above a beige mug graphic with steam.]

At this point, we should all know the formula for energy. Just multiply milk and coffee, and voila! The perfect daily energy source. It doesn’t take an Einstein to figure that one out!

This 100% cotton shirt is available in Men and Women’s sizing from SM-3XL. Also, it has several color options including black, navy, asphalt, royal blue, and cranberry. This classic, lightweight tee is conveniently machine washable (cold with like colors, dry low heat). 

My Precious

[Black shirt reads “My Precious………… JAVA.” The word Java is formed by the steam coming from a coffee cup graphic that features an inscription resembling that on the Ring of Power.]

Know any die-hard Lord of the Rings fans who treat their Java like the Gollum treats the ring of power? Then this is the perfect gift. 

Available in Men’s, Women’s, and Youth sizing, you can get this shirt in sizes SM-3XL or kids 2-12. The tee has a classic, lightweight feel with a double-needle sleeve and bottom hem. It’s machine washable with like colors (low heat dry). 

Install Caffeine

[Black shirt features bright green javascript logo above white text that reads “npm install coffee.”]

Honestly, it’s pretty much impossible to be a computer science student without having a travel mug of coffee attached to your body. If only you could just install your caffeine fix. 

Available in black, navy, asphalt, royal blue, and dark heather in Men’s sizes SM-3XL and Women’s sizes SM-XL. All the solid colors are 100% cotton and heather options are 50% Cotton and 50% polyester. Machine wash cold with like colors; dry low heat.

Coffee Confidence

[Black shirt features bold white texts reading “Coffeedence” followed by plain white text reading “(n.) the feeling of positivity and self-assurance arising from the strength of one’s coffee.”]

Know a word nerd? Give them some new coffee culture vernacular to obsess over with this tee.

This fun t-shirt is available in black, navy, asphalt, dark heather, and purple in Men and Women’s sizes SM-3XL and Youth sizes Kids 2-12. All of the solid color options are 100% cotton and the heather options are 50/50 cotton/polyester. You can machine wash and dry this shirt with cold water and low heat. 

For when the Proof is in the Pot

When your coffee routine often centers around a pot of coffee, there’s no way you can pass up making a few too many pot puns alluding to the devil’s lettuce. 

Note: Please indulge responsibly and follow local laws regarding marijuana use. If you can’t have the leaf, just stick with the bean. 

Pot Head

[Heather grey shirt with distressed black text reading “POT HEAD” with the words separated by a simple coffee pot and mug graphic.]

Let’s start with the low-hanging fruit, shall we? Whether it’s caffeine or other substances helping you get through the day (or both), this is the shirt for you. 

This shirt is preshrunk cotton and machine washable. It has a men’s fit and is available in sizes SM-5XL. Plus, the company offers returns/exchanges if you are unsatisfied with their product. 

The Real Deal

[Black shirt features a vintage pin-up woman with a pot of coffee in her hands looking over her shoulder and a man illustrated in a similar style in the background drinking a cup of coffee. There is also some white text that reads “Pot Dealer.” Both the graphics and text are distressed.]

There’s nothing like a fresh pot (of coffee) from your local diner. Whether you’re getting up or winding down, this is the perfect shirt to capture those special moments. 

This shirt is also made using preshrunk cotton and is available in Men’s sizes SM-5XL. Crazy Dog designs and prints their shirts in the USA, so you know you’re getting high-quality materials. The Pot Dealer shirt is machine washable (wash/iron inside out in cold water/low heat, hang dry). 

Wake & Bake

While Shake ‘n Bake might permeate your eighties, nineties, and noughties childhood memories, the idea of wake and bake likely has closer ties to your adulthood. But the nostalgia feels right on with this one.

This is a preshrunk cotton shirt printed and designed right here in the USA. It is machine washable (wash/iron inside out in cold water/low heat, hang dry) and available in Men’s sizes SM-5XL.

Wrapping Up

So there you have it! Whether you’re shopping for a dark-humored bitter betty or a caffeine-crazed ray of sunshine, there a tee in this line up that sure to get a few laughs. 

Here’s a quick reminder of the sections in case you got lost in the sauce on this one:

  • Dark Humor and Black Coffee People: Sarcasm and coffee, what else could you need?
  • Cutesy Coffee Cuddlers: For those who appreciate coffee and all things “AWWWW.”
  • Media-Loving Coffee Hipsters: For “cultured” coffee fans who can enjoy a spot of irony.
  • Those Who Can’t Quit Caffeine: For those who may as well have a coffee IV.
  • The A-Dorkable Caffeine Fanatic: For the unapologetic nerd fueled by coffee. 
  • When the Proof is in the Pot: For the potheads, in every sense. 

Happy Caffeinating and Accessorizing!


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